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Campus squirrels to start their own basketball league

SIMPSON — After a group of squirrels were found playing a game of basketball in Hopper Gymnasium yesterday afternoon, the athletics department called for the creation of an all-squirrel basketball league. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing at first,” said head softball coach, Brent Matthias, who first stumbled upon the extraordinary scene taking place […]

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Simpson Track & Field Bus Cancelled to Implement New Cost-Saving Carpooling Initiative

SIMPSON – Following a surprise last minute cancellation of the team’s bus transportation, Simpson’s Track & Field team was forced to make their own arrangements to get to today’s meet in Grinnell. Today’s indoor meet, the Darren Young Invitational, was the sixth meet of the season for Simpson but the first in which Simpson’s athletes […]

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Simpson Baseball Team Outraged Over Hiring Jeter as Head FOOTBALL Coach

Most known for being in the shadows of his older brother Derek, Simpson College announced Matt Jeter as next head coach of the Simpson football team. “I’m no 5x World Series champion, but I’m making baby steps towards my older brother… just in a different sport” Matt Jeter said. Brian Niemuth, director of athletics, says […]

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University of Dubuque Drone Taken Down By Punt From President Simmons

SIMPSON – Wreckage from the drone seen over Buxton Stadium during Saturday’s Homecoming football game has been identified as being of University of Dubuque origin. The wreckage, recovered by Todd Little, associate professor of computer science, was analyzed by Simpson’s best aspiring student hackers late into the night on Sunday.  Early efforts to identify the […]

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Budget Cuts Force Men’s Cross Country Team into Shorter Shorts

Last week, the Simpson College Budget Committee released the comprehensive list of budget cuts for the 2015-2016 academic year. Major cuts were made to the athletic department with the biggest cut coming from the men’s cross country team where it was discovered that by reducing the length of everyone’s shorts by an inch, the school […]

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