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Campus squirrels to start their own basketball league

SIMPSON — After a group of squirrels were found playing a game of basketball in Hopper Gymnasium yesterday afternoon, the athletics department called for the creation of an all-squirrel basketball league. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing at first,” said head softball coach, Brent Matthias, who first stumbled upon the extraordinary scene taking place […]

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Pfeiffer cafeteria to implement zero calorie policy for all food served

SIMPSON — In a bold attempt to get more students to eat at Pfeiffer cafeteria, Sodexo dining services has decided to remove the calories from all of the food served there. “It’s still basically the same kind of food, just without the calories,” said Mindy Murphy, the general manager of Sodexo dining services on campus. […]

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Class of 2021 begin long, four-year march toward student debt

SIMPSON — Earlier this afternoon, the class of 2021 were seen passing through the gates outside College Hall, thus beginning their four-year journey to racking up enormous student debt. Simpson faculty, dressed in their formal robes, stood on either side of the sidewalk behind the brick gates and applauded the freshmen as they walked by. […]

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Most Simpson students, parents look at tuition statement behind trembling fingers

SIMPSON — According to a recent report, a majority of Simpson students first looked at their tuition statement for fall 2017 with their fingers covering their faces.* “The story was pretty much the same with everyone we interviewed,” said lead researcher and author, Hugh J. Billings. “About 83% of students and their parents were physically […]

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Severe Thunderstorm Warning Issued for Simpson College – Tornadoes Possible

SEVERE THUNDERSTORM ALERT: The National Weather Service in Des Moines has issued a Severe Thunderstorm Alert for Warren County and Indianola effective until 4:30pm CDT tonight. Meteorologists expect wind gusts up to 60 mph with some chance for hail… and the slight possibility of a tornado. Damage to roofs, siding, trees, and egos is expected. Since […]

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