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Petting 100 Dogs: Kayley Zimmerman’s Simpson Success Story

Junior Kayley Zimmerman has finally found her success at Simpson. “It took a lot of time and was difficult to finish,” Zimmerman eagerly stated, “but I’m so glad I can finally say that I did it: I finally managed to pet 100 dogs on campus!” Zimmerman set the goal her first year on campus. “It […]

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Simpson Students’ Vape Cloud Covers Campus

SIMPSON – Ever since the ban of smoking e-cigs indoors, the Simpson vaping community has been planning an outdoor event… and they held one in glorious fashion. “Three days! That’s how long our cloud held out!” exclaimed Simpson senior and vaping enthusiast Niko Teen. The four 20-year-old’s in charge of the event said they decided […]

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Acorn Alliterations

Script & Video Editing By: Nick Hermon Actors: Kayley Zimmerman & Robert Lyons   Acorn alliterations are always awesome, accurate, and annoyingly alphabetical… Boys believe Barker babes beat Buxton beauties… Butttttt Barker babes believe books break brains. Carver’s Craven computer courses cause creative chaos Dyer’s dictating, dares dancers “Don’t drop dat Dunt-in Dunn” Everhart, Epperson, […]

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Simpson College demands central has a wall

Simpson Will Build a Wall and Central Will Pay For It!

SIMPSON— The Dutch have struck again! Central students have been caught visiting Simpson College without proper documentation. With Simpson being a private school, individuals must register to be on campus. To keep Central students who are not transfers from coming to Simpson, President Simmons has proposed a wall along the Simpson/ Central border. “I will […]

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Simpson Campus Deemed As National Wetland Park

  HILLMAN— Yesterday’s death-bringing storm led to the recent massive flooding of campus. Today, the Environmental Awareness Club (EAC) has proposed to convert the flooded campus into a protected national wetland park. Simpson’s Board of Trustees approved the proposal as a recruitment strategy for attracting more environmentally minded prospective students. Under the new designation as a national […]

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