Professor Siebert admits to being Bald Soprano

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SIMPSON — Early Tuesday morning, Mark Siebert confessed to our reporters what most of the campus had already suspected since the beginning of the semester: He is, in fact, the mysterious titular character in Simpson’s upcoming play, “The Bald Soprano.”

“The secret was just getting to be too much,” the multimedia communications professor said while doing his daily vocal warm-ups. “I’ve spent about four hours a day this semester in a practice room in the music building, so my colleagues over in Gaumer have been spreading rumors like crazy. I decided it was time to come clean. Yes, I’m the Bald Soprano.”

Siebert said he was the first person to be cast in the show after the director, Mimi Kammer, was blown away with his audition.

“His acting was actually pretty decent — but his head! It’s so bald, it gleams!” Kammer said. “I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to find the right actor for this role. I mean, we don’t have too many bald theatre students. Coupled with his enigmatic personality and impeccable vocal range, Mark was obviously the perfect fit.”

The other communications professors have mostly been supportive of Siebert since hearing the news, and several of them plan on attending the show.

“I’m sure he’ll do a fine job in the show,” said Brian Steffen, department chair of multimedia communications. “I’ve always thought Mark would be a good actor. Believe it or not, he can be pretty dramatic at times.”

Steffen later added that the next time the theatre department needed a bald guy for a role, he would consider auditioning himself. “Casting the same bald person each time would kinda get old, don’t you think?” he asked.

At press time, when asked why his character is only ever mentioned in passing and never actually appears in the show, Siebert replied, “That’s exactly the way I prefer it to be.”

The Bald Soprano premieres Thursday, Nov. 16 at 7:30 p.m. in Barnum Theatre. Additional showtimes are Friday and Saturday at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday at 1 p.m.

By Paul Randalson


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Categories: News


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