Simpson Career Services Advises Students to Disclose Russian Ties in Interviews


SIMPSON – Taking their cue from Washington, D.C., Simpson’s career services is now advising students to disclose their ties to Russia to prospective employees.

“After watching (former) National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and Attorney General Jeff Sessions having their ties to Russia exposed on live TV, I knew we needed to make sure our students knew how to get ahead of such scrutiny,” explained Career Development Director Bobbi Sullivan as she idly carved a hammer and sickle into her desk.

The new initiative is based off the approach taken by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Students are now encouraged to not only disclose their ties to and relationships with Russian operatives and officials but to also flaunt those relationships right in front of a disbelieving public.

Even if a student was a government official, the odds of being labeled a traitor to the American people and the Constitution are slim to none. Students accused of traitorous behavior are encouraged to continue sipping their vodka and wave the fig leaf of recusal.

“I’d also encourage comrades… ahem… students to include their Russian ties as a subsection on their resumes,” said Career Development Assistant Director Laurie Dufoe as she emailed an encrypted file to her handler at the Kremlin. “It can go right above the Objectives Section towards the top of the resume.”

She added:

“And if you want a guaranteed job in D.C., your first objective should read: Make America Great Again. Actually, that’s all you need to list. Hiring decisions at the Capitol aren’t exactly made with qualifications or experience in mind after all!”


By Lionel Robertson
Creative Contributor: Nate Ginger

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Categories: News


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