Students to Marry Student Debt at SLG Wedding Booth on Valentine’s Day


SIMPSON – Thanks to a new Valentine’s Day fundraiser, students are now able to formally marry their long-term partners… Student Debt.

The new fundraiser, Sigma Lambda Gamma’s Wedding Booth, allows students to pose in a Vegas-style balloon arch and declare their undying “commitment” to Student Debt.

“I came into college expecting to find this kind of relationship,” explained sophomore student Frank Lee as he affixed a relatively expensive ring on his Student Debt’s hand. “Honestly, it felt like this relationship was inevitable but I already feel like Student Debt’s going to remain loyal to me for years to come.”

Students are encouraged to formally recognize their union with Student Debt from 10 A.M. to 2 P.M. in the Kent Student Center today (Valentine’s Day.) Cost per person is $1, “wedding bands” are an additional $1, and “wedding certificates” are two for $1.

So take a few moments today to recognize the most special relationship in your life. Hear that sound? That’s not wedding “bells” you hear, that’s wedding “bills.”

And remember, no one is truly prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, much less to the demanding love of your life, Student Debt.

By Lionel Robertson

Tags: , , , , ,

Categories: News


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