Simpson Intramurals to Hold Annual Valentine’s ‘Dodgeball Date’

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SIMPSON — Valentine’s Day is upon us! Usually, this is the day couples see as an excuse to public show their affection in public and make sappy ballads about love. However, the intramurals community has decided to welcome a new tradition to the Indianola area: the Dodgeball Date.

Tonight at 8 p.m., single Simpson folks will be gathering in Hopper gymnasium in teams of 3 to chuck as many rubber balls at other people as possible— all in the hopes of meeting their future soul mate.

Although on the surface, dodgeball is a violent sport that splits friendships apart, single people have taken a liking to it. Some even compare it to Tinder — except instead of swiping right, you throw a ball at an attractive person’s face.

“I was lonely, and I figured this is at least a way to meet new friends, or maybe more,” said Mary Collar, a sophomore who was decked out in knee and elbow pads in anticipation of the big game.

According to a freshman’s sports science paper that received a solid B grade, “Increased movement and physical exercise can help people with socially awkward moments. Due to the increase in blood flow, more oxygen rushes to the head, resulting in less blushing and more control over awkwardness.”

No one can argue with those expert’s statistics. But has dodgeball produced any real results in the department of love?

“When I was warming up by throwing the ball around, I threw one with a little too much muscle, and she walked straight into my line of fire,” explained senior Jackson Baldwin as he reenacted the fateful scene. “After she woke up with minimal brain damage, I figured: It’s the day of love, I should ask her out. Next thing I know, we’re out getting tacos.”

The Dodgeball Date will go until 10 p.m. However, for our readers who know that dodgeball isn’t for them: Never fear.  Tomorrow will no doubt bring gloriously discounted sales on leftover chocolate.

By Coby Berg

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Categories: News

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