All Central College Students Are No Good, Dirty, Rotten New England Patriots Fans Says New Survey


PELLA – A new survey conducted by the bipartisan RABA polling firm has found overwhelming support for the strongly detested New England Patriots at Central College.

Red America Blue America (RABA) conducted the survey this past week and has released its findings to the public prior to the start of Super Bowl 51. The survey, which boasted a 75% completion rate due to the lack of other things to do in Pella, showed almost total support for the horrendous Patriots.

“Honestly I was not surprised by the results of this survey,” said Professor Kedron Bardwell (Simpson’s faculty member in RABA) as he put on a newly purchased Falcons shirt he would only wear once in his life. “It could already be determined that the students had terrible taste, I mean they did choose Central after all, but the fact that they’re all Patriots fans only confirms that.”

The survey also found that a majority of students wanted the detestable Bill Belichick as their new campus president and wished for ball-deflator extraordinaire Tom Brady to be confirmed as the college’s new mascot.

At 5:30, the Atlanta Falcons will, with the backing of all of America, take on the deplorable Patriots. A live feed of Central students will be shown in the Black Box during CAB’s Super Bowl Party and Simpson students eagerly await seeing the crushing of both the subhuman Patriots and Dutch.

By Lionel Robertson

P.S. Any Simpson student supporting the Patriots is simply misled. We know you’re smart, you chose Simpson after all, but we all make mistakes. 😉

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