Simpson track athletes experience off-season gains from working at Jimmy Johns


SIMPSON — With the recent success of some of the sprinters on the track team, many have speculated about the details of their training habits. After extensive interviews with the team, our investigators discovered their secret: working for Jimmy Johns.

Simpson sprinter Logan Hopster, who was the first Simpson runner to start working for the restaurant, explained how the job has benefitted him:

“I felt like the off-season was always wasted, and I was also wanting some extra cash. So it just seemed to be perfect idea to go to the fastest business, Jimmy Johns.”

Hopster worked out an agreement with his boss that, instead of driving delivery orders, he would simply sprint. “At first, I was nervous I wouldn’t be fast enough, but with the Jimmy Johns sign attached to the top my head, it was like I was infused with special freaky fast power.”

To this day, Hopster has never take more than five minutes to complete a delivery. His average time is 3:25.

Before long, Hopster convinced other members of the track team to follow his example and run deliveries for Jimmy Johns. Since the off-season conditioning program seemed too easy for the Storm athletes, and they could only book so much time in the gym, nearly the whole team agreed.

“I actually suggested that they run more on the off-season,” said coach Hussler in an interview. These jobs are a great way to keep these young men and women conditioned, while also giving them some extra cash. Plus, I get the coach discount on all my subs!”

The coaching staff is pondering the idea of requiring all track runners to get jobs at Jimmy Johns.  However, the concept faces some opposition among the runners with a gluten allergy.

The team is off to a great start this year and seems only to get better.  They have posted some impressive times at the last meet they attended in Nebraska.  However, the best place to see these runners in action would either be at their Des Moines track meets — or just by ordering a sub. Both will showcase their “freaky fast” abilities.

By: Coby Berg

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Categories: News


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