Following the destruction of another tree, campus squirrels have just about had it with Simpson

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SIMPSON — Earlier today, Simpson campus squirrels awoke with a start as yet another of their beloved trees was hacked down by Oxford Tree Services.

The tree, located to the east of Hillman Hall, was deemed “hazardous” by the college administration, even though it is a popular hangout area for many of the young squirrel population.  

Seeing as this event closely follows the similar destruction of a different campus tree last semester, the campus squirrels have just about had it with Simpson.

In a heated interview, a Simpson spokes-squirrel stated their outrage and disappointment regarding the loss of another tree.

Our expert squirrel translators, who usually experience no trouble interpreting the nuanced squeaks and chitters of the squirrel language, had difficulty catching the squirrel’s final message due to the sheer emotional intensity in its voice.

Roughly translated, its message was: “Should another attack like this occur in the future, we will have no choice but to pack up and move to Central.”

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