Missed Morning Class Amnesty Granted to Chicago Cubs Fans


SIMPSON – In a special announcement from the Office of the President, students who were up rather late celebrating the Chicago Cubs first World Series title in 108 years have been granted amnesty for missing morning classes.

“I reckon this is the most valid excuse for students to miss a class I ever laid eyes on,” said President Simmons while still wearing a champagne drenched suit from last night. “Any student out late at the ol’ honky-tonk celebratin’ is worthy of a late morning!”

However, Simmons also indicated that this amnesty would not extend to any bandwagon fans. As he said, “they’re a worthy of a good lickin’ not forgiveness!”

Some understanding professors have already taken steps to implement Simmons’s plans for amnesty. Some have even taken that grant of amnesty to the next level.

“I’m so flipping happy right now that I actually skipped this morning. Freakin’ skipped!” exclaimed Professor Brian Steffen, noted tough guy and lifetime Cubs fans. “I’m not only granting amnesty for my Cubbie brethren, I’m also going to cancel my Twitter report assignment for the week!”

Non-Cubs fans are encouraged to keep an eye on Cubs fans today and tomorrow and either a) hug a Cubs fan with a hangover, or
b) pinch a Cubs fan who’s walking on sunshine, or
c) slap a dazed Cubs fan (nicely).

By Lionel Robertson

Tags: , , , , ,

Categories: News


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