President Jay Simmons upset that “Jay-Sim Derulo” is not catching on


SIMPSON  — In an attempt to become more “hip” with today’s generation, President Jay Simmons has come up with a new identity for himself: Jay-Sim Derulo. However, things have not been going according to plan.

President Simmons stated to our reporters, “In my head, I see the students bowing down to my ingenious name, but in reality, all they do is ask me: ‘Whatcha Say?’ It’s been very discouraging to me like it isn’t enough to win their approval.  I’d almost prefer them to not feel any emotion toward me at all If It Ain’t Love.  It’s like there are Trumpets going off in my head, warning me that I’m Ridin’ Solo.”

When students were asked about President Simmons’ new name, many just laughed and walked away.  President Simmons stated: “The sky is the limit for coming up with ways to engage with the younger generation.  I may be Blind now, but these students will not make a fool out of me!”

By Ann Haakonson

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Categories: News


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