President Simmons misplaces launch codes for fireworks display

screen-shot-2016-10-03-at-5-21-42-pmSIMPSON — Plans for tonight’s fireworks show, a major Homecoming Week kick-off event, were put on hold earlier today when President Simmons reportedly misplaced the all-important launch codes for the display.

In a panicked email sent to grounds manager Jeff Wagner, President Simmons asked Wagner if he had an extra copy of the launch codes, which, owing to security concerns, have only ever been transmitted via handwritten communications.  Wagner answered in the negative, saying such information was far too valuable to risk multiple copies being made.

“Well, dag nabbit!” Simmons was overheard in his office, as he hastily went through his desk drawer labeled Top Secret.  “I coulda swore I just had it stashed in here somewhere!”

At press time, Simmons ordered the reporters to help him overturn every square inch of his office to help him look for the thin slip of ancient, yellowed paper containing the codes.  

“And once ya find it, don’t you dare sneak a peek!” Simmons bellowed.  “Just close your eyes and hand it over.”

By Paul Randalson

Tags: , , ,

Categories: News


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