Startup Company Unveils New “Cyclone Tequila” to Compete with Hawkeye Vodka


AMES, IA – A new brand of tequila has been sweeping the nation, and it has broke college students lining up outside liquor stores all throughout Iowa. Cyclone Tequila, unveiled last Monday, was created to compete with the drink of choice for broke students from the #1 party school in the United States, the University of Iowa.

The Spokesperson and PR Manager of Cyclone Tequila explained the company’s vision:

“As college gets more expensive and working while balancing a full class load becomes almost impossible, we wanted to create a new liquor that allows students to get thoroughly drunk, but at bargain bin prices!”

When asked about Hawkeye Vodka, Daniel Cyburg, founder of Cyclone Tequila, explained that the company views them as both an inspiration, and a competitor.

“The sales model that Hawkeye uses was our starting point, but we wanted to expand our model to be more inclusive,” Cyburg stated. “College-aged Cyclone fans needed a drink to call their own, and that’s how we got started.”

Simpson students throughout campus are rejoicing now that their bottom shelf liquor can better reflect their sports team preferences.

By Kirsten Summers

Editor’s Note (Lionel Robertson):
If your namesake is already at the bottom of the Big 12, might as well make a bottom shelf liquor to match!

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