UFOs Descend Upon Indianola Causing Mass Hysteria


SIMPSON – Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) have been spotted above the town of Indianola causing many residents to flee in terror from what they believe is an impending invasion.

Reports of the UFOs began to stream into Indianola Police Department Headquarters on July 29, and have continued unabated since. Chief-of-Police Dave Button has ordered all Indianola residents to evacuate the immediate area until the intent of those operating the UFOs can be determined.

“Nothing in my training and years of experience has ever prepared me for such an occurrence,” explained Button as he handed out emergency donut rations to his fellow officers. “This may very well be the end times, but I don’t remember Revelations speaking of brightly colored balloons raining hellfire on the populace.”

Several investigative teams have been sent by Simpson College to study the source of the UFOs, a place known in local legends as the “National Balloon Classic Airfield.” So far, no team has returned.

“The last thing we heard from Tre Loge’s research team was a wild yelp about something he called a ‘funnel cake,’” said Jim Garrison, associate professor of conspiracies and nutcases at Simpson. “I always knew this was how the Russian-backed and Chinese-funded Illuminati would take us out!”

Reports of these UFOs have described “balloons” of varying sizes with transportation baskets that could hold anywhere from 1 to 20 alien invaders. Eyewitnesses also report that “tongues of fire” appear to keep the “balloons” afloat.

“We cannot allow our beautiful town to live in fear of these ‘balloons’,” exclaimed Mayor Kelly Shaw as he valiantly stood before a frightened crowd of citizens.

“I will go to this ‘Airfield’ and I will negotiate with these aliens. I bet they’re all full of hot air.”

As for President Jay Simmons, he was last seen standing atop Hillman Hall throwing rocks up at the passing “balloons” in a spirited but ultimately futile defense of the campus.

By Lionel Robertson

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Categories: News


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