Pokémon Go: Central College Students to Transfer to Simpson to Catch ‘Em All

Pokemon No Story

SIMPSON — Over the past two weeks, the Office of Admissions has been flooded with transfer requests from desperate Central College students.

According to Michael Norris, Simpson’s Director of Transfer Enrollment, they all shared a common reason for ditching the Dutch: their all-consuming need to catch Pokémon.

“I lost track of how many calls I received from Central students who, through their loud and pitiful sobs of anguish, explained that there weren’t any Pokémon to be found on Central’s campus, let alone in Pella,” said Norris.

Norris and the rest of the admissions staff have been working around the clock to pacify Central students and help them make the transition to Simpson.

“It’s been a long few weeks, but it’s been worth it,” commented transfer admissions counselor, Tricia Geelan.

One transfer student had complained, at length, about Central’s staunchly anti-Pokémon president, Mark Putnam.

“I was walking to my summer class the day the game first came out.  I couldn’t see any Pokémon anywhere, no matter how hard I looked,” explained transfer student Joost Niemandsvriend. “Then Putnam came up to me and started laughing maniacally, saying he had made sure his campus wouldn’t be tainted by ‘those horrid creatures.’”

As we previously reported, Pokémon Go has a strong presence at Simpson, which was a deciding factor for the Central students seeking a new Poké-friendly school.

“When the president of the college is an avid Pokémon trainer with his own gym, you know it has to be a great place to catch ’em all,” said one Dutch-turned-Storm transferee, who also had an ugly encounter with Putnam.  “I can’t wait to catch a Pachirisu, and then try to take Simmons’ gym!”

When our reporters tried to reach President Simmons for comment on the large influx of former Dutch students, he looked up from his phone long enough to exclaim:

“They can come here to study and hunt for Pokémon, alright.  But I swear on my Snorlax  —  they ain’t gonna get this gym!”

By Paul Randalson

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Categories: News


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