Simpson Announces Hiring of Miss Trunchbull for Interim Academic Dean

Miss Trunchbull Photo

SIMPSON – Early today, President Simmons made the stunning announcement that Miss Agatha Trunchbull will be the interim Vice-President and Academic Dean for the 2016-2017 academic year.

She will replace Steve Griffith by the end of June as Griffith retires to pursue not green pastures… but wide-open beaches and pina coladas.

Miss Trunchbull is a veteran educator and disciplinarian who has served at Crunchem Hall Elementary School since 1996. Under her leadership, disciplinary procedures at the school were revitalized and Miss Trunchbull’s “Chokey,” a closet full of sharp pointy things, earned her the “Disciplinarian of the Year Award.”

“To be completely honest with y’all, she’s unqualified as all get out for this position,” said a visibly shaken President Simmons as he mopped a sheen of sweat from his forehead. “But she’s scarier than any wild hog I’ve ever wrassled with and I ain’t about to tell ‘er no.”

Miss Trunchbull received her undergraduate degree in education from Smeltings Academy in London and her master’s degree in disciplinary studies from Bullworth College in Massachusetts.

Her only request upon assuming the role of Interim Dean was that no students, staff, or faculty named Matilda would be admitted or hired.

By Lionel Robertson

Tags: , , , , ,

Categories: News

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