Simpson Campus Deemed As National Wetland Park



HILLMAN— Yesterday’s death-bringing storm led to the recent massive flooding of campus.

Today, the Environmental Awareness Club (EAC) has proposed to convert the flooded campus into a protected national wetland park.

Simpson’s Board of Trustees approved the proposal as a recruitment strategy for attracting more environmentally minded prospective students.

Under the new designation as a national park, visitors and students can now purchase a fishing license and bait at the Kent Info Desk.

Many students are already taking advantage of this “fishy” arrangement. One such student is Freshman Brittnee Packer.

Packer busted out her fishing pole and hit up Lake SouthUhDa BaTree.

“This was the first time I went out this year so I knew the odds were against me… you wouldn’t believe the look on my face as I pulled in a 11-incher!” Packer said.

Following that statement, a voice so booming it ranked an 8 on the Richter scale, exclaimed “That’s what she said!”

Students suggest the dirty ghost Millie made the statement, but the Acorn couldn’t reach her for questioning.


By: Nick Hermon

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News


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