Tyler’s Replaced by Zombie Burger

Zombie-BurgerSIMPSON— Get inside! Block the doors! Quarantine yourself! This is the end… the end of Soros Saloon, aka Tyler’s Grille!

Following an outbreak of rabid zombie squirrels from Missouri last year, Simpson believed to have eradicated all those infected, but to no avail.

“It started in Tyler’s. I was about to eat my usual squirrel burger when I noticed it was green and oozing” said Ryan ‘You Don’t Even Go Here’ Zinnel.

Zinnel contacted news outlets and the FDA immediately shut down Tyler’s Grille.

Students, already flustered by the lack of food choices on campus demanded the Board of Trustees to take action.

With the risk of serving tainted squirrel burgers (the only food item Simpson can afford to serve), the board made the wise decision to bring in the only restaurant qualified to cook contaminated food— Zombie Burger!

Zombie Burger opens on March 14th, the first day back from Spring Break.

Reporter: Nick Hermon

Tags: , , , , ,

Categories: News

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