Archive | March, 2016

8 “isms” You Don’t Want to End

1) Tourism Hey, there’s a reason so many Simpson students study abroad (hint: it’s to get away from campus!)   2) Prism “Dark Side of the Moon” would never be the same   3) Organism Where would we be without them?… Answer: Dead!   4) Magnetism There would probably be something weird happen without the […]

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Chartwells Doesn’t Find Success At Simpson College

SIMPSON – In a surprising move that proved good really can overcome evil, Simpson College and Chartwells have decided to part ways. While most students had hoped for an immediate separation, the long-time-in-coming breakup will have to wait until June 1. Chartwells, claiming to have initiated the separation, stated they were unaware of problems at Simpson […]

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Tyler’s Replaced by Zombie Burger

SIMPSON— Get inside! Block the doors! Quarantine yourself! This is the end… the end of Soros Saloon, aka Tyler’s Grille! Following an outbreak of rabid zombie squirrels from Missouri last year, Simpson believed to have eradicated all those infected, but to no avail. “It started in Tyler’s. I was about to eat my usual squirrel […]

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Top 9 Spring Break Destination Spots

Panama City Beach- PCB!!! Not only is PCB super relaxing, it’s also incredibly safe. This spring break destination is fun for the whole family! Close to the beach, surrounded by tourists, and there’s lots of alcohol! New Zealand- Looking for an extravagant trip? Have thousands of dollars lying around the house? Why not go to […]

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Simpson Senior Finally Claims Spot in Barker Lot, Gets Parking Ticket

SIMPSON — After being forced to park in the Goodwill lot throughout her freshman year, senior Sarah Beadle finally accomplished her dream of nabbing a Barker parking spot yesterday. “It was surreal.  When I saw the open space, I actually didn’t believe it at first,” said a visibly ecstatic Beadle. “I was so distracted, I almost […]

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