Overly Trusting Student Shocked to Find Food Stolen from Communal Fridge



Simpson – Moving to college involves dealing with the extremes of sharing: sharing a room with someone, sharing a BATHROOM with someone, and sharing a really tiny fridge.

Because of limited space, continually snacking students have been forced to move their leftover Mexican food to the communal fridges located in the commons area of their residence halls.

Idealistic and trusting students, with faith in the communal fridge system, were excited by the prospect of future midnight snacking, chowing down during late night television and enjoying the wonders of cold pizza.

But alas, this is the tragic report of how one Simpson student discovered her trust in the communal fridge system had been misplaced.

“When I opened the door, I looked on in horror as I realized that someone had eaten my leftover chicken tips quesadilla,” said Amanda Bynes, a second-year student. “Now I must take time to properly mourn the loss of my spicy leftovers.”

Unfortunately, Bynes is no isolated incident. Communal fridge theft is a burgeoning epidemic on campus and it shows no signs of lessening. Security has asked students to raise awareness of the issue by hanging posters, permanently sealing Ziploc baggies or simply EATING YOUR OWN DARN FOOD.

In other news, Communal Fridge Theft Advocates have coined a new phrase to better describe the depravity of the injustices they have suffered.

“If you chill it, they will come.”

By Brooklyn Hunter

Tags: , , , , ,

Categories: News


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