Ticket Issued to Snow Pile Occupying Parking Spot

Parking Space

Simpson – After several weeks of going unnoticed by Campus Security, a campus snow pile that has long occupied a parking spot behind Buxton Residence Hall was finally cited for lacking a parking sticker.

“We have clear policies when it comes to parking here at Simpson,” stated Chris Frerichs, director of security, as he lovingly affixed another ticket to the snow pile. “If we let a snow pile get away with this, then our entire parking system comes crashing down!”

Word had reached security after dozens of students complained of turning into the Buxton parking lot to park in the seemingly unoccupied spot only to be frustrated by the sight of the snow pile taking up 60% of the parking spot.

“I don’t care if it ruins my truck’s undercarriage,” exclaimed Bobby Franks as he rammed his vehicle onto the snow pile and left it parked at a 38 degree angle. “There ain’t enough spots around to give up one for a stinkin’ pile of snow!”

At press time, first-year students were attacking a snow pile in the Barker parking lot with sharp implements and hair-driers to reclaim one of their scarce parking spaces.

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