Overeager Presidential Campaigns Confuse Simpson Mock Caucus with the Real Thing

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Simpson College – Officials with the Culver Public Policy Center spent a majority of Tuesday removing highly confused and overly passionate presidential campaigns from the Kent Campus Center.

With the 2016 Presidential Caucus coming up on February 1, Seth Andersen, director of the Culver Center, organized the Simpson College Voter Engagement Rally & Mock Caucus Night for January 19 (today) as a way of getting students excited about the caucuses.

Unfortunately, overly eager, and in some cases desperate, campaigns mistook the Simpson event for the real deal and began swarming the Kent Center with precinct captains and an ungodly number of campaign signs.

“This is supposed to be an educational opportunity for students who want to learn about the caucuses,” said Anderson as he shooed a large contingent of Rand Paul supporters out from underneath the Black Box stage. “We cannot have these campaigns turning this into a political free-for-all!”

The morning was very busy for Anderson as he dealt with Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders supporters who were jockeying in line for who was really first. Other officials were tasked with waking up Ben Carson supporters who had fallen asleep in the atrium and removing Ted Cruz supporters who had begun to filibuster the Au Bon Pain ordering line.

“I even came across Jeb Bush walking around the Kent Center, awkwardly and hesitantly trying to introduce himself to student voters,” said Anderson as he broke up a brawl between Chris Christie and Marco Rubio supporters. “I just didn’t have the heart to tell the poor guy he was two weeks early.”

By Lionel Robertson

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Join the Culver Center tonight (Jan. 19) from 7:00 till 8:00 in the Kent Campus Center for the voter engagement rally hosted by none other than Mr. Iowa Nice Guy.

Following the rally from 8:00 till 9:00, attendees will be split between a Democratic and a Republican caucus and will learn how the caucus process works.
(colors instead of candidates will be used)

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