Students Combine Leftover Boards to Purchase Ownership of Tyler’s Grille

Soros Saloon Photo

SIMPSON – While many students spent their leftover boards on energy drinks and pastries, one group of students instead chose to combine their leftover boards and initiate a hostile corporate takeover of Tyler’s Grille.

Junior economics major George Soros Jr. organized a few of his friends who, “like never eat at Pfieffer or Kent because, it’s like unhealthy and stuff” and with their combined boards they were able to purchase a controlling interest in Tyler’s Grille.

“This is literally the first time George has ever shown any kind of business-minded initiative,” said a flabbergasted Shane Cox, an accounting professor who has been long frustrated by Soros’ lack of classroom involvement.

Following the purchase of Tyler’s Grille, Soros began aggressively badgering his co-investors, a tactic he learned from Cox, until he was able to purchase their interests and become sole stockholder.

Not much is known about Soros’ intentions but sources close to him have dropped several tantalizing hints including the addition of alcohol sales to Tyler’s Grille and a possible name change to the Soros Saloon.

“With a bar on campus, there will never again be leftover boards and flex at the end of the semester,” said Bill Hix, the spokesperson for Soros’ shell corporation, ‘Anything Is Better Than Chartwells Ltd.’ “We’re thinking 5 boards per bottle is reasonable enough but a keg, that’s gonna cost ya some flex dollars.”

By Lionel Robertson

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Categories: News

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  1. Tyler’s Replaced by Zombie Burger | Simpson College The Acorn - March 9, 2016

    […] Get inside! Block the doors! Quarantine yourself! This is the end… the end of Soros Saloon, aka Tyler’s […]

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  2. Tyler’s Replaced by Zombie Burger | Simpson College The Acorn - March 9, 2016

    […] Get inside! Block the doors! Quarantine yourself! This is the end… the end of Soros Saloon, aka Tyler’s […]

    Like

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