Simpson Admissions Plans to “Keep it Fall, Y’all” at Simpson Year-Round

Keep It Fall Y'All Photo

Squirrels, Pumpkin-Spice, academic perfection (of course), and everything nice is known as the formula for our very own Simpson College.

It’s true, people from all over the state marvel at Simpson’s beautiful fall foliage. The stunning leaves inspire us to attend class. Now they’re gone, and so is our drive to maintain an acceptable GPA. The aesthetically perfect time of the year, fall, is officially over. Simpson tours are full of frowns as we show them our brick buildings surrounded by expansive pits of mud and naked trees.

WHERE IS THE BEAUTY?!

Simpson’s drab appearance has not gone unnoticed by the Admissions office, who, in the past has only used ads featuring our campus during its most glorious time of the year to draw in more potential students.

With that being said, I’m here to release details about the Admissions Office’s latest plan to attract more visitors and students to campus. Admissions has partnered with the Biology department to research ways to keep it fall year round at Simpson.

“Freezing a tree permanently in its final phase of life is a great way to keep this campus looking decent,” explained Dr. Clint Meyer, the lead researcher on the Keep it Fall, Y’all project. “We’re all tired of seeing naked trees. It’s scandalous and I don’t approve.  ”

Meyer also disclosed they are only in the beginning stages, and are not sure how to proceed with experimentation. Any student with an idea on what the researchers’ next steps should be are encouraged to “leaf” a note on Meyer’s door.

Genetically modified leaves? Maybe! A chance for people to get offended over the inhibition of our trees’ natural life cycle? More than likely! But a chance to make campus pretty year-round? Priceless!

Investigative reporter Annabelle Fox signing off.

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