Stormy the Squirrel Goes Back to the Future!!

BackToSimpson.001What if I told you that Stormy the Squirrel knew he would become the Simpson College mascot specifically on October 10th, 2015?

giphyWhat if I told you that Stormy the Squirrel traveled “Back to the Future” and has come back with valuable information that could potentially alter the space-time continuum?

The gains far outweigh the risks. It is our density… I mean destiny that you all must be made aware of Stormy’s discoveries!

With 1.21 gigawatts of power, our trusty nut capacitor, and of course Stormy’s DeLorean, we sent Stormy 30 years into the future to the year 2045. One concerned student warned Stormy that he didn’t have enough sidewalk for the DeLorean.

 

“Sidewalks?” yelled back Stormy. “Where we’re going we don’t need sidewalks.”

He quickly jumped in his DeLorean, hit the gas, and flew past the students on the Pedestrian Plaza. As soon as he hit 88 mph the car disappeared leaving fire trails and a Simpson license plate between them.

 

From this point on we know nothing but what Stormy says 2045 was really like.

-Central’s Campus was completely covered in manure and people still went there. We don’t know why…but they did. It was almost as if they liked it.giphy (1)

-While technology had advanced to the point where hover boards were widely available, Simpson students still insisted on using scooters and long boards.

-The bookstore still doesn’t understand what a real sale is.

-Drones are used to deliver Tyler’s and ABP to students all over campus thanks to the savvy business mindedness of The Collegiate Entrepreneurs Organization. But it’s still not quickBackToSimpson.003 enough for most students.

-Lionel Robertson is the President of Simpson College in 2045 and is making every Acorn story he ever wrote an actual thing on campus.

-Despite Stormy’s clever one liner, sidewalks are still very necessary and they still make no sense at all on Simpson’s campus.

-Most classes at Simpson College are offered in virtual reality from the comfort of your bed… and students still don’t attend.

-The Acorn is the world’s most widely distributed and read satirical newspaper. Simpson Students continue to run it and are known all over the world as some of the wittiest people on earth.

 

Interested to hear what your future self is up to? Well Stormy would love to make that happen but around 1,400 trips “Back to the Future” would be a bit much for the DeLorean and his tail.

For inquiries please email stormy.squirrel@my.simpson.edu and put “Make like a tree and get outta here” in the subject line because it’s not going to happen.

Mac Ziller

Twitter: @ziller81

Facebook: /ziller13

BackToSimpson.002

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Categories: Features, News

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