NASA Finds Water at Central College, But Still No Intelligent Life

Water @ Central But No Intelligent Life

PELLA – Recently, NASA’s top-priority rover mission at Central College has seen surprising success. Last Monday, NASA announced they found traces of water in the previously bone-dry, artificial pond located in the middle of campus. This discovery caused some of their lead scientists to believe there may be intelligent life living at Central.

Upon hearing the discovery, James Mueller, mayor of Pella, released a statement to the local press, a portion of which reads:

“This news is very encouraging to everyone in our community. Ever since the college was mysteriously founded by unknown entities in 1853, the people of Pella have wondered if intelligent beings could possibly dwell there. The whole town is eager to see what further discoveries NASA will make with their handy little rover. None of us sure want to set foot in that place!”

Mayor Mueller’s reluctance to journey onto the campus is not without good reason.

Since the college’s founding, community members have noted strange, humanoid figures moving within the perimeter of the campus. Initially, the Pellans tried to make contact with the bizarre creatures, but they soon realized it was impossible. The beings—whatever they are—lack any signs of conventional intelligence and communication skills. They mindlessly wander about seemingly without purpose.

“They almost have the appearance of sleep-deprived college students during finals week,” one brave on-site researcher remarked. “But when you try to make conversation, they just flip out and attack! And the scariest part is their eyes — it’s like they’re frozen in an eternal expression of stupefaction. I needed to have two weeks of therapy after one almost clawed my eyes out.”

The presence of the Central rover has had a disturbing effect on the creatures. Some tried to flee off campus into the town. In response, local law enforcement has cordoned off the campus boundaries to keep community members safe.

As the NASA team continues their search for intelligent life at Central, they do so with greater caution. In addition to the freakish beings acting aggressively toward the rover, researchers have noted the presence of another potentially violent creature: a giant, walking foam finger. It remains to be seen whether or not this creature shows more signs of intelligence than the others.

By: Paul Randelson

Tags: , , , ,

Categories: News

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One Comment on “NASA Finds Water at Central College, But Still No Intelligent Life”

  1. October 8, 2015 at 12:03 pm #

    Brilliant

    Like

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