The President is Also the Pope?!

2015-09-22_14-04-49SIMPSON – In an interesting turn of events, the Simpson First-Year class elected Jordan Pope as their class president for the 2015-2016 academic year. While Pope is actually Roman Catholic, he is, quite obviously, not the actual Pope of the Catholic Church.

However, this fact wasn’t so obvious to many students on campus.

Throughout the first year dorms, Pope’s supporters put up many campaign signs and posters, bearing messages such as, “What’s separation of church and state again? #Pope4Prez,” and “#HopeInPope”.  The two hashtag phrases soon became common knowledge among not only the first-years but the upper classmen as well.

Unfortunately, Pope’s popularity also led to some serious confusion, as many students mistook “Pope” to mean Pope Francis.  With the nation itself is gearing up for the 2016 presidential elections and with Pope Francis visiting the U.S. later this month, many students held the impression that Pope Francis himself was going to throw his papal “mitre” in the political ring and announce his run for president of the United States.

Upon seeing the messages across campus, several students immediately pointed out that a pope can’t run for president.  “This is America!” they passionately cried.  “We can’t have a theocracy!”

One student, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, “I mean, Pope Francis is cool and everything, but, c’mon, he can’t run for president!  It goes against the Constitution!”

Stirred into a patriotic frenzy, several students from both the Simpson College Republicans and Democrats quickly formed a bipartisan #NoPope4Prez campaign and even made plans to travel to Washington D.C. in order to protest at the Pope’s “announcement speech.”

However, right as the impassioned group was about to request travel funds from SGA, one of their campaigners ran into Jordan Pope himself, who quickly explained he had been running for class president. The embarrassed #NoPope4Prez campaigner then realized that Pope Francis had no designs on the White House, but that “Pope” was, indeed, merely a last name.

The #NoPope4Prez group quietly disbanded immediately following the misidentification.

But then again, looking at the current field of contenders for the White House, it makes one wonder how outrageous it would really be if the pope did enter the race.

By Randy Paulson

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

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