President Simmons’ Netflix Password Leaked to 300 First-Years

2015-09-22_12-29-16SIMPSON – Panic has broken out among Simpson faculty as the security of President Simmons’ Netflix account was recently compromised.

“I can confirm that as of late Saturday, the password for my Netflix account has been stolen and changed,” said a visibly distraught President Simmons. “How in the world did they guess AcornLuv6969?!”

Meanwhile, because only two screens can stream movies at the same time, a violent battle has started amongst Kresge and Barker residents- as there is only one connected laptop in either building.

“My roommate kicked me in the knee as I went to grab the laptop,” one bleeding Barker resident said. “We don’t talk anymore.”

Additionally, President Simmons is currently facing a small mob of faculty picketing in front of his home. Wielding angry signs that declare “I like my Netflix recommendations!” and “I’m not welcome in the First-Year dorms anymore!”

“What’s next? Our Hulu Plus passwords?”  Asks Professor Maeve Callan through fits of fearful sobs. “What if I’m not notified when the new Walking Dead comes out? Everyone will know what happened except me!”

In an effort to appease the growing crowd, President Simmons, wearing an Orphan Black t-shirt, had this to say: “I mean, at least we still have Amazon Prime, right?” The crowd was not calmed.

Reports from the first-year dorms indicate that Kresge resident Eddie Frostglen has stepped forward as the hacker and instigator of the pandemonium in the First-Year dorms.

“I did it!” Frostglen shouted righteously from behind his Guy Fawkes mask. “And you tell them they can take our cable, but they can never take… Our Bojack Horseman!”

As of this moment, there is no word on whether or not President Simmons will be changing his Netflix password in the near future… Or if he even knows how.

By Stogie McGurdle

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

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  1. Top Moments of 2015 at Simpson College | The Simpson Acorn - January 2, 2016

    […] not all things at Simpson are good: Controversy surrounded Simpson’s Curling Team, President Simmon’s Netflix got hacked, There was a turf war between scooters and longboarders, Professor Proctor died in the […]

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