Simpson to Become First Wi-Fi Free Campus in the US

SIMPSON – Put away your laptops and get out your Shakespeare! Under a new initiative, Simpson College will soon be going completely Wi-Fi free.
Spearheaded by Information Technology (IT), the new initiative is called “Seriously Taking Uh-way Decent Y-fi,” and is lovingly shortened to the acronym S.T.U.D.Y by its supporters.
“S.T.U.D.Y. was designed to get students off-line and off ‘the Facebook’ and get them reading literary classics like Shakespeare again,” explained Kelly Bradder, Vice-President of Information Services and the architect of S.T.U.D.Y. “This initiative is going to put Simpson on the map again!… or off since you won’t be able to find us online anymore…”
As with many of IT’s initiatives, S.T.U.D.Y. was to have gone into effect several weeks ago; however, students’ objections (and IT simply being IT) have delayed an effective rollout of the program.
Some Simpson faculty and staff are say the S.T.U.D.Y initiative is nothing more than a desperate cost-saving measure.
“Everyone knows Shakespeare and that classic literature garbage is for the English majors,” said Brian Steffen, Department Chair of Communication & Media Studies. “We of the 21st century need technology. What we don’t need is for our Wi-Fi to go out seven times in the first week of classes!”
Bradder had one last statement for “the Acorn” before the conclusion of her interview.
“We’re going to put the ‘less’ back in ‘wireless,” said a steadfast Bradder.
By: Lionel Robertson

Update: Computer Science and Computer Information Systems (CIS) majors have become the most popular kids on campus as they prepare a counter strike against I.T. they call B.Y.O.B.- “Bring Your Online Back.”

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2 Comments on “Simpson to Become First Wi-Fi Free Campus in the US”

  1. Prof. Harrigan
    September 10, 2015 at 4:31 pm #

    Come up to Wallace 401 at 2:10 TTH afternoons for some unplugged discussions of the Bard!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. September 11, 2015 at 7:12 pm #

    I am giving up Wi Fi for Lent. When is Lent? I am going to check card catalogue. Why don’t they call it a dogalogue? Stop laughing, BARK!

    Liked by 1 person

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