SAE In Crisis

2015-04-27_22-36-04In a drastic turn of events, members of the Iowa Sigma chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) are nearing the point of starvation. Faced with the temporary absence of their chef (and dear friend) Sally; and confronted with the problem of rapidly dwindling supplies, SAE’s situation is looking grim. Currently there are only uncooked burger patties, frozen french fries, and one air-filled bag of chips left to sustain Simpson’s largest fraternity.

“I mean, we have food, but we’d have to cook it or stuff,” said Ethan Fredrick, a member of SAE. “That’s just not gonna happen…I’m pretty sure I’m surviving off of string cheese and ketchup.”

The Interfraternity Council (IFC) has attempted to set up an emergency aid meeting to address the food shortage, but no delegates showed up.

A black market has arisen during this crisis. SAE members have taken to trading boat shoes, sunglasses, and pastel shorts with other fraternities for sustenance. In response to this, the Econ department at Simpson will be offering a new course in Spring 2016, ECON 275: Frat-nomics.

As for concluding thoughts on the catastrophe, Fredrick said, “Yeah this is totally not chill. I might have to call my parents or something.”

The Acorn is accepting donations through its “Feed the Frat” page to help these brothers through this humanitarian crisis.

By: Molly Monk

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News


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