Student Presenters Give Themselves Kylie Jenner Lips to Get Out of Symposium

2015-04-22_17-25-47With the Undergraduate Research Symposium rapidly approaching, student presenters are starting to feel rather panicked.

A scientific survey of student presenters was conducted by “The Acorn” to determine how presenters’ presentations were progressing. A majority felt “vastly unprepared” or “ready to sob at a moment’s notice.”

Simpson’s latest acquisition, “The Struggle Bus,” has been inundated with students due to finals quickly approaching (leaving Symposium presenters to their own devices).

Instead of attempting to finish and practice their presentations, students are frantically searching for ways to avoid giving them. Several are reporting a debilitating outbreak of swine flu and others are joining Burning Man and fleeing the state.

However, the most common trend has been to participate in the “Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge.” This challenge started as an attempt to make one’s lips look like that of Ms. Jenner. However, the challenge results in grossly swollen lips that makes normal speech impossible.

Student Health Services at Simpson has warned Symposium presenters to not partake of this challenge but research students have insisted on the challenge’s necessity.

“Dwespewte wimes caw fow dwespewete measwures,” said presenter Nick Yaeger as held a bag of ice on his swollen lips. “We dwid whad we had twa do.”

Symposium is expected to go on as scheduled tomorrow with the first session of presenters at 10:00 and the second group at 2:15. Attendees are kindly asked to not make fun of presenters’ grotesquely swollen lips.

By: Molly Monk

Tags: , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News


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