President Simmons Mistakenly Sits in Front Row of Theater

2015-04-18_13-36-11For many, the raunchy and intelligent humor of Theatre Simpson’s “Wholly Moly Moliere” was a delightfully fun experience. However, for President Jay Simmons and his wife Jenne, it was much more than they had bargained for.

Arriving right before the sold out show started, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons were left with few seating options. After glancing around the packed theatre, the presidential couple resigned themselves to sitting in the front row… completely exposed to whatever would happen on stage.

Seeing the golden opportunity that had fallen into their laps, members of the cast and crew took full advantage of Simmons’s unprotected position.

“They used me as a prop!” exclaimed Mr. Simmons, “They wiped things on me and totally broke the fourth wall on multiple occasions to reference my attendance!”

At one point, Mr. Simmons was accused by a stagehand of having stolen one of the on-stage props. While he was found to be in possession of the missing prop, he declared his innocence and pinned the blame on his wife.

“I couldn’t believe he accused me of swiping a prop,” said Mrs. Simmons as she secretively and expertly pocketed a felt top hat from the production. “He’s always wanted to return to a career on stage and he recalls the good old days by holding on to prop pieces.”

After several hours of use and abuse, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons started to breathe a sigh of relief with the end of the show nearing. However, this sigh of relief abruptly became a sharp intake of breath as Simpson juniors Will Kick and Milly Nun exposed themselves in front of the presidential couple.

“I saw the president there in the front row and I knew he’d appreciate it if I dropped down to my drawers right in front of him,” said Kick as he strutted about the now empty stage in nothing but his boxers. “I could tell he appreciated it by the way his eyes widened and how quickly he averted his gaze!”

Following the production, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons made a bee line for the exit that would have put an actual bee to shame. However, they did exclaim their enjoyment of the show as they knocked audience members aside in their mad scramble for the doors.

“Overall I think the production came together very well and I’m proud of everyone’s efforts,” said Will Timmians. “And we made quite the lasting impression on the president too!”

Theatre Simpson will have two more showings of “Wholly Moly Moliere” on Saturday at 7:30 pm and Sunday at 1:00 pm in Barnum Studio Theatre. It is recommended that attendees arrive early to avoid similar fates to that suffered by Mr. and Mrs. Simmons.

By: Lionel Robertson

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News


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