Trump Toupee To Live Among Campus Squirrels

2015-04-08_13-14-49The actual make up of Donald Trump’s hair, long the subject of much speculation in the media, was finally revealed on Wednesday when the squirrel posing as his toupee left the head of Mr. Trump to rejoin its brethren among the majestic whispering maples.

Previous theories as to the makeup of Mr. Trump’s hair included shredded wheat, a bird’s nest and pasta from Pfieffer Dining Hall.

Multiple students reported the event shortly after Mr. Trump’s speech. As Mr. Trump was exiting the Blank Performing Arts Center the mammalian hair piece lifted its bushy tail.

At first blamed on a gust of wind, Mr. Trump attempted to pat his “unruly locks” back into place. However as he approached the center of campus the toupee raised its head and revealed its true nature.

The beady eyes of the squirrel were at first mistaken for Mr. Trump’s own eyes, but the illusion was quickly shattered when the squirrel leaped from Trump’s head and lit into the branches of the nearest tree.

Eyewitness reports state that Mr. Trump was initially shocked and angered, immediately screaming at the squirrel that he was fired. Mr. Trump, swearing he would never hire another squirrel, then made a swift exit and left the campus with his entourage in tow.

The squirrel in question could not be reached for comment, although rumors have reached The Acorn that he is already in the process of developing a TV show based on his experiences atop Mr. Trump. Students on campus have also reported being approached for an internship in which they would be paid in acorns.

By: Ellen Keyser

Tags: , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

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  1. Top Moments of 2015 at Simpson College | The Simpson Acorn - January 2, 2016

    […] of squirrels, Trump’s toupee turned out to be one, But the Shooting sports club took care of it And donated pelts to […]

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