Archaeologists Discover “The Simpsonian” Used to Have a Sense of Humor

2015-04-01_23-17-46 SIMPSON- Archaeologists discovered that “The Simpsonian” used to have a sense of humor. Using carbon dating and reading ability (Simpsonian newspapers have publishing dates on them), it was discovered that “The Simpsonian’s” last attempt at being funny was in the year of 2011.

The archaeologists had been hired by the college to go through the Dunn Library archives to find valuable items for the college to pawn as a means of paying down next year’s deficit. Discovery of “The Simpsonian’s” long-gone sense of humor was a complete accident.

“I accidentally stumbled over some newspapers when I was caught off guard by a picture book of snakes” said Indy Ana Jones, the lead archaeologist for the team. “I grabbed my whip and started swinging as hard as I could. A box split open and out slid some newspapers entitled ‘The Pimpsonian.’”

Long-time faculty and staff at Simpson vaguely recall Simpsonian attempts at publication of an April Fool’s Day edition called the “The Pimpsonian.”

“I remember ‘The Pimpsonian’ quite well,” recalled Professor John Epperson, long-time faculty member (and possible centenarian). “It was actually decently funny but ‘The Simpsonian’ wanted to be taken seriously. So after 2011 they killed their April Fool’s Day edition. Talk about a tragedy for mediocre comedy!”

Further “excavation” efforts by the archaeological team revealed that, even as far back in antiquity as the 1930’s, “The Simpsonian” had at least wit and a dash of jocularity. “All we were doing was using older copies of “The Simpsonian” to level the legs on a table,” recalled Jones as he packed up priceless Simpson artifacts for sale at the local pawnshop. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I discovered they had a section called ‘The Maples Whisper’ and it was surprisingly funny.”

Administrators with “The Simpsonian,” the nation’s oldest continually published student newspaper, could not be reached for comment as they were taking their jobs way too seriously. Some vestige of humor does continue on at “The Simpsonian” in the form of the back-page section the ‘Flipside.’ However it is expected that once it is discovered that the ‘Flipside’ is in any way, shape or form humorous, it too will go the way of the dodo. The archaeological team will give a full presentation on their findings later this week at an event sponsored by the true defender of journalistic humor and satire at Simpson, “The Acorn.”

By: Lionel Robertson

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Categories: Features, News


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