Archive | April, 2015

SAE In Crisis

In a drastic turn of events, members of the Iowa Sigma chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) are nearing the point of starvation. Faced with the temporary absence of their chef (and dear friend) Sally; and confronted with the problem of rapidly dwindling supplies, SAE’s situation is looking grim. Currently there are only uncooked burger […]

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Simpson Offers May Term Class on Novelty Squirrel Taxidermy

SIMPSON- After complaints about not having any interesting May Term courses, Simpson will be offering a class teaching students how to make novelty squirrel taxidermy. The course name is SQRL-101 and will be taught by Professor Feeney. It offers Scientific Reasoning and Historical Perspective credits. The course idea cam to fruition when security noticed an […]

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Student Presenters Give Themselves Kylie Jenner Lips to Get Out of Symposium

With the Undergraduate Research Symposium rapidly approaching, student presenters are starting to feel rather panicked. A scientific survey of student presenters was conducted by “The Acorn” to determine how presenters’ presentations were progressing. A majority felt “vastly unprepared” or “ready to sob at a moment’s notice.” Simpson’s latest acquisition, “The Struggle Bus,” has been inundated […]

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Struggle Bus Arrives at Simpson College

With finals on the way, students have found it difficult to go to class, stay awake and avoid mental breakdowns. Many students have retreated to their rooms to watch Netflix for hours, others have been seen passed out in the library on books they were reading. Anything to avoid responsibility and the real world. Due […]

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Simpson Has A Radio Station! And A New Station Director

The Acorn is shocked to discover that Simpson has a radio station on campus headed by Erich Bogner. The station was first discovered by Simpson sophomore Dre DeeJay late last week while he impatiently waited for some friends in the Buxton/Picken parking lot. “I was really bored so I decided to set the radio to […]

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