One Direction Splits- Mass Hysteria On Campus

2015-03-25_20-37-40BREAKING NEWS: Zayn Malik has left the beloved boy band One Direction. Students and teachers have been heard crying and screaming in the halls and classrooms over this tragedy.

President Simmons has declared this a campus wide emergency and is planning on cancelling classes to allow students and staff proper time to mourn the loss.

“We have lost one of the World’s greatest bands, and I know that the entire campus, along with me, is grieving this tragedy,” sobbed Simmons.

“It’s just not the same!” cried exchange student Patty O’Mally. “How can they continue without Zayn? Me lucky squirrel isn’t so lucky anymore.” Patty blames this devastating loss over the fact that he hasn’t found his lucky squirrel yet.
Many professors have either cancelled or let out students early because of the heartbreaking news.

“Zayn, why?!” screamed Stephanie Woodruff as she collapsed onto the ground clutching her One Direction poster. “I just can’t cope anymore!”

Affected students and staff are being directed towards counselling services so they can proper treatment to work through their grief.

“We don’t want to have another Beiber fever incident.” said Ellie Olsen, director of counseling services.

A cleansing ritual has been planned in Buxton Park for students and staff where they can get rid of their posters, pictures, and CD’s with all five members of One Direction on them and change them out for something more up-to-date.

By: Heaven Perez

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

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