NCAA Security Lapse Results in Actual “March Madness”

2015-03-26_18-54-47It was poised to be yet another grand year of broken hearts, minds and bodies for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament until tragedy struck.

Many security guards were caught up in watching the games this past weekend and, in result, a number of coordinated “chemical switcheroos” took place all over the country. Authorities discovered that some of the chalk used in the chalk toss (a move popularized by Lebron James who throws chalk in the air) was replaced with a new powdered form of cocaine mixed with LSD.

Before much of the public could notice, NCAA games were taken off of the air as players who came in contact with the “chalk” began showing signs of true, unadulterated madness.

Games became so wild that referees, guards and coaches could do nothing but stare in awe as the players began running about, started climbing things and, in some instances, left the arena completely.

Members of the Duke University Blue Devils were the first to witness the insanity when their star center Jahlil Okafor climbed to the top of a hoop’s backboard and began screaming that he was “the King of Basketball.” Okafor’s teammates tried to bring him down, but then they too began seeing things and quickly lost interest in what they were doing.

The entire Iowa State Cyclone team began chasing imaginary butterflies at one point during their first round loss last Thursday. Coach Fred Hoiberg was not pleased with the turn of events.

“The ball movement was terrible and our turnovers killed us. We were having a hard time beating the other team’s full court press due to the fact that one of our players was laying at center court motionless while another was somersaulting all over the court,” said Hoiberg. “It was a poor effort by our guys.”

This latest security lapse was just another of the many that have plagued the NCAA over the last several years. Just this past season, Ohio State won the Football National Championship when members of the opposing Oregon Ducks were tricked into eating “special brownies” prior to the game.

These were just two of the countless (the Acorn count is at seven) drug related incidents in the last five years for the NCAA. This sports reporter hopes, for the sake of the NCAA tournament, that the amount of indescribable nonsense will be at a minimum so that fans can watch in agony as their favorite teams are systematically eliminated one-by-one.

By: Seth Albers

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

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