No Ducks to be Found at Simpson College


On March 22 at 5:24pm, Simpson College’s last remaining duck was killed by a squirrel horde. It was a tragic moment that changed campus attitude completely. Due to budget cuts, Simpson is not able to purchase any new ducks to give. Consequently, since that fateful moment, Simpson students found that they have no more ducks to give whatsoever.

With the semester rushing by, Simpson students were at a loss. Without their duck buddies around, many felt as if they had lost the will to go on. Counseling Services has prepared several events to deal with the crisis, but students currently say that they have lost all motivation to attend anything. On an unrelated note, class attendance, especially for 8:00am courses, has also decreased drastically.

The duck shortage hit seniors especially hard. With 40 days left until graduation at the time, the senior class was distraught. Dan Swenson, an art major, said that this duck crisis has compelled him to be “drunk until graduation” to deal with the pain.

Krystal Daggett, a history major, said through sobs, “I looked around and all my ducks were gone. I couldn’t find a single duck. Not one duck to be found”.  She and her roommate, senior Sara Hill, said that this loss of ducks has really affected their coursework and that they can’t wait for graduation so that they can find new ducks to give.

The Acorn is on the lookout for any ducks to give. If there is a single, flying duck out there, we will track it down.​


By: Molly Monk

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News


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