Mr Simpson Candidates

2015-03-23_20-51-25

Mr. Chris Simpson

Chris enjoys making people feel uncomfortable in the workplace and listening to Panic! At the Disco.

Talent: Remaining emotionless at his mother’s funeral.

Hobby: Death Staring

Winner: Best Personality

2015-03-23_20-52-50

Mr. James Simpson

James is an American Eagle model in his spare time and enjoys wearing flannel.

Talent: Making babies cry with his smile

Hobby: Allowing Hobos to borrow his car

Winner: Best Hair

2015-03-23_20-54-04

Mr. Michael J. Simpson

Michael Simpson enjoys drinking Bourbon and making dad noises while reading the paper.

Talent: Being disappointed in his second eldest son because he will never be as good as his older brother at football.

Hobby: Living vicariously through his eldest son

Winner: Most Likely to hire you then immediately fire you for his enjoyment

2015-03-23_20-55-17

Mr. George Simpson

George enjoys wearing Bro Tanks and playing Ultimate Frisbee.

Talent: Looking attractive and confused at the same time

Hobby: Quitting his job due to a lack of “hot chicks” in the workplace

Winner: Most “Baby face”

2015-03-23_20-56-07

Mr. Timothy N. Simpson

Timothy is a divorced dad trying to over compensate for not being in his son’s life enough by buying him video games and ice cream

Talent: Being the whitest black person in the competition

Hobby: Using words like “synergy” and “turbulent” when speaking in meetings

Winner: Most Mark Green

2015-03-23_20-57-21

Mr. Wesley W. Simpson

On the weekends Wesley enjoys wrestling and taming grizzly bears

Talent: Playing the villain in every Liam Neeson movie ever

Hobby: Secretly being Vladimir Putin

Winner: Most Likely to be From the Future and Most Russian

2015-03-23_20-58-10

Mr. Timothy W. Simpson

Timothy is strangely okay with the fact that he still lives with his parents and is a level 90 Warlock in World of Warcraft

Talent: Looking at your shoes while talking to you

Hobby: Collecting actions figures that are NOT TOYS

Winner: Most Bill Nye the Science Guy

2015-03-23_20-59-11

Mr. Eric K. Simpson

Erik K. Simpson enjoys holding puppies and calling his mother on the weekends “just to chat”

Talent: Posing for pictures at bad angles

Hobby: Having a disproportionally thick neck

Winner: Mr. Simpson 2015

Tags: , , , , , ,

Categories: Features, News

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: