Mr Simpson Candidates


Mr. Chris Simpson

Chris enjoys making people feel uncomfortable in the workplace and listening to Panic! At the Disco.

Talent: Remaining emotionless at his mother’s funeral.

Hobby: Death Staring

Winner: Best Personality


Mr. James Simpson

James is an American Eagle model in his spare time and enjoys wearing flannel.

Talent: Making babies cry with his smile

Hobby: Allowing Hobos to borrow his car

Winner: Best Hair


Mr. Michael J. Simpson

Michael Simpson enjoys drinking Bourbon and making dad noises while reading the paper.

Talent: Being disappointed in his second eldest son because he will never be as good as his older brother at football.

Hobby: Living vicariously through his eldest son

Winner: Most Likely to hire you then immediately fire you for his enjoyment


Mr. George Simpson

George enjoys wearing Bro Tanks and playing Ultimate Frisbee.

Talent: Looking attractive and confused at the same time

Hobby: Quitting his job due to a lack of “hot chicks” in the workplace

Winner: Most “Baby face”


Mr. Timothy N. Simpson

Timothy is a divorced dad trying to over compensate for not being in his son’s life enough by buying him video games and ice cream

Talent: Being the whitest black person in the competition

Hobby: Using words like “synergy” and “turbulent” when speaking in meetings

Winner: Most Mark Green


Mr. Wesley W. Simpson

On the weekends Wesley enjoys wrestling and taming grizzly bears

Talent: Playing the villain in every Liam Neeson movie ever

Hobby: Secretly being Vladimir Putin

Winner: Most Likely to be From the Future and Most Russian


Mr. Timothy W. Simpson

Timothy is strangely okay with the fact that he still lives with his parents and is a level 90 Warlock in World of Warcraft

Talent: Looking at your shoes while talking to you

Hobby: Collecting actions figures that are NOT TOYS

Winner: Most Bill Nye the Science Guy


Mr. Eric K. Simpson

Erik K. Simpson enjoys holding puppies and calling his mother on the weekends “just to chat”

Talent: Posing for pictures at bad angles

Hobby: Having a disproportionally thick neck

Winner: Mr. Simpson 2015

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