Students sporting seasonal shorts signify spring has sprung

Resident Campus Fashionista and Zoologist Rich Ramos declared today to be the first day of Spring after dozens of students were spotted sporting athletic and cargo shorts on campus.Cargo Shorts Story Pic

Shorts, which had been declared an endangered species in late November, were thought to be on the brink of extinction by late February. However, prior to Simpson’s Spring Break, Ramos noticed that shorts were starting to make a comeback as the climate warmed.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I started seeing shorts around campus again,” said Ramos. “And then when all the students started going to classes again on Monday, the shorts population exploded!”

He continued.

“Shorts breed the best in warmer climates so I think we can credit our 70 degree weather with the shorts explosion on campus,” lectured Ramos.

Ryan Rehmeier, the Department Chair of Biology at Simpson and an amateur Braccaeologist (one who studies pants, trousers, etc.), has documented the amazing comeback of the pants population. Rehmeier was excited to see that several lesser known species of the Jeans Genus were spotted on campus as well.

“Of course we’ve seen many members of the Breves Onerariis (Cargo Shorts) and the Athletice Bracis (Athletic Shorts) families. Those breed like crazy on a college campus,” explained Rehmeier. “But we’ve never seen so many of the Currit Bracis (Short Running Shorts) or Fimbrias (Skirts) families!”

Rehmeier recommends the best time and place to find these rarer breeds of shorts are around the lunch hour near the Pfeiffer Feeding Hole.

By Lionel Robertson

Tags: , , , ,

Categories: News

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