Fraternities Plan to Break Guiness World Record

SIMPSON- In honor of Valentine’s Day, the men of Kappa Theta Psi (KTP) erected a phallic snow 2015-02-13_17-12-39sculpture outside their house last weekend. The sculpture, an eight foot depiction of man’s pride and joy, was made in attempt to promote safe sex over the Valentine’s Day weekend. “We intended to place a garbage bag over the top to show how to properly wrap up” said Ryan Sietstra, a member of Kappa Theta Psi.

However, before KTP could wrap up the phallic snow sculpture, Simpson Security demolished it. In response, the men of Kappa Theta Psi say they plan to step up their game. “Go big or go home… we’re taking that literally” said Luke Johnston. KTP plans to collaborate with SAE, ATO, and LXA to erect a 15ft tall phallic snow sculpture. This will top Texas Tech’s phallic snow sculpture by 4ft (making it the largest known phallic snow sculpture to date).

Guinness Book of World Records plans on documenting the event. “Lets just say you’re not going to be disappointed with our size at Simpson College” said Luke Johnston with a smirk on his face.

Students seem to show their support. One student said, “Simpson needs a new icon. We don’t have an emotional connection with that glow-stick in the middle of campus. This on the other hand.. oh yeah!”

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The Inter Fraternity Council (IFC) is working with Simpson Security to help them understand the importance of this event. “We’re promoting safe sex and I don’t think we should be punished for that. It’s about time students be taught by their peers how to be safe in romantic relationships” said an undisclosed IFC member.

However, security still plans to shut down this event due to PR purposes. One security employee simply put it, “No matter what, we’re getting the shaft.”

By: Luke Johnston

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Categories: News

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  1. Top Moments of 2015 at Simpson College | The Simpson Acorn - January 2, 2016

    […] Patrick O’Malley lost his green squirrel, Hump Day Donuts offered free camel rides, KOW set the Guinness world record for a phallic sculpture, President Simmons announced he’s running for President, Although he […]

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