Residence Life is Suing Blank Park Zoo For Negligent Care of its Elephant Herd

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Residence Life staff frequently deals with student complaints of elephants stomping on the floors and ceilings of Simpson Residence Halls. The elephant herd generally breaks out of the Blank Park Zoo into residence halls after sunset when many students are trying to sleep. Student Government Association allocated their last $1,000 for the year to Community Advisors to buy tranquilizers since things were “getting out of hand”. Robert Lyons, sophomore CA of Picken Hall, while nursing bruises from a recent stampede proclaimed he “can’t keep up with the elephant herd anymore”. With midterms drawing nearer, students are demanding more sleep. With this in mind, Residence Life is taking things to the next level. Lyons, in conjunction with Dean Behaunek, has just filed suit against the Blank Park Zoo, saying that they have been “negligent” in the care of their elephant herd. Dean Behaunek was unavailable for comment due to his continued missing status following the hiring of Mrs Lukefire. The case will be brought forward in civil court next Tuesday. Judge Judy will preside. The Acorn will have more coverage as this story unfolds.

 

By: Molly Monk​

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: News

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