Running of the Bulls takes a turn for the worst

2015-01-30_15-12-34A new tradition on the Simpson College campus, the Running of the Bulls ended in destruction and sorrow this past weekend. After an unidentified man threw a wasp’s nest into the trailer carrying the bulls, the herd bounded down pedestrian plaza in an indescribable rage that can only be described as horrifying. After four minutes of rampaging, screaming, and excited “moos,” the bulls gathered in Buxton Park and calmly began eating grass as if nothing had happened.

The Running of the Bulls was initially created by President Jay Simmons after viewing the episode of South Park entitled, Cow Days.

“That was just so darn funny. I knew I had to have one of those on this campus. Granted, the first try didn’t go so well but next year we are going to try it again without any interference,” President Simmons proclaimed in his charming southern drawl.

The single fatality was Nick Proctor who jokingly dressed up as a matador for the event. When the angry bulls broke free, they were angered by the strange outfit and bright colors of Proctor’s matador garb. They reacted similarly to bulls and charged in unison toward the ex-professor who is now history.

The Running of the Bulls 2: Redux (Simmons name for next year’s attempt) will fall on Martin Luther King Jr. Day next year and will cause classes to be shortened in an even stranger and more confusing way. Pedestrian Plaza will almost certainly still be under re-renovation after this year’s catastrophe.

By: Seth Albers

Tags: , , , , , ,

Categories: Sports


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