Archive | January, 2015

Running of the Bulls takes a turn for the worst

A new tradition on the Simpson College campus, the Running of the Bulls ended in destruction and sorrow this past weekend. After an unidentified man threw a wasp’s nest into the trailer carrying the bulls, the herd bounded down pedestrian plaza in an indescribable rage that can only be described as horrifying. After four minutes […]

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Yoda Interviews The Whispering Maple

*Guest submission by avid Acorn reader and supporter, Professor Marty Feeney* Recently, staff reporter Yoda (played by Marty Feeney, who is 900-years-old) decided to interview a celebrity on campus who was featured in Professor Joe Walt’s Beneath the Whispering Maples. The Acorn will feature interviews of Simpson personalities, who cast a giant shadow on the […]

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Controversy surrounds the Simpson Blizzard curling team

The New England Patriots have recently been the center of controversy surrounding the deflation of footballs used in the AFC Championship Game, but they are not the only team being accused to stacking the odds in their favor. Over the past few days, investigators from the United States Curling Association (USCA) have been reviewing the […]

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New ‘Snap-Yak’ app from EMERGE to be beta tested next year

Recent developments have finally come in from Simpson College’s EMERGE team about their new and exciting app. The app they dub “Snap-Yak” is an anonymous photo-sharing app that allows students to post photos without being identified. The EMERGE team is mostly excited about the creative possibilities of the app. They say the app will be […]

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ABP service slows to halt as students tear apart store looking for bread bag shoes

Service at popular campus restaurant Au Bon Pain (ABP) halted following a mass stampede of students climbing over the counter to raid the bread supply.  Allegedly, students were after the plastic bags used to contain loaves of bread. Plastic bag shoe coverings, commonly known as “bread bags”, have recently been popularized by Senator Joni Ernst, R-IA, in her rebuttal to the […]

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