Archive | 2015

Students Combine Leftover Boards to Purchase Ownership of Tyler’s Grille

SIMPSON – While many students spent their leftover boards on energy drinks and pastries, one group of students instead chose to combine their leftover boards and initiate a hostile corporate takeover of Tyler’s Grille. Junior economics major George Soros Jr. organized a few of his friends who, “like never eat at Pfieffer or Kent because, […]

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List of Simpson Academic Department Tinder Accounts

Ever wondered how your academic department would present itself on Tinder? Wonder no longer as “the Acorn” has laboriously compiled the Tinder profile of every single department on campus for your viewing and entertainment pleasure! Departments are organized alphabetically and the slideshow can be activated by clicking on one of the circles. So have at it! […]

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Super Critter Ep. 6

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Freshmen Plot to Steal Kent Center Christmas Tree

SIMPSON — Upon returning from a not-long-enough Thanksgiving break, many freshmen students proved themselves eager to get into the holiday spirit by decking their dorms out with classic Christmas decorations, such as wreaths, lights, bells, Christmas stockings and fake snow (as if real snow outside wasn’t already enough…) Some of the more festive students even […]

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Kim Jong Un Elected to Both SGA President & Vice-President

SIMPSON – In a surprise upset in the SGA elections, Kim John Un was elected via write-in campaign to both president and vice-president beating out Robert Lyons and Erica Heidler. Vote totals from the election could not be found as it appears North Korean hackers have taken down the entirety of the SurveryMonkey website. And […]

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