Top 7 Bathrooms at Simpson College

By: Nick Hermon

According to Distractify.com, you spend one and a half years of your life in the bathroom. With so much time spent in the lavatory, you deserve to “splurge on your next purge”. You may be wondering, “What goes into a good restroom?”. Restrooms can be ranked by: cleanliness, privacy, traffic level, and practical use.

So the next time you need to take the “Browns to the Superbowl”, consider treating yourself to one of these campus commodities:

1) Bridal Room in Smith Chapel Basement

Smith Chapel

This mega-bathroom is a luxury in all shapes and sizes. Located in the basement of Smith Chapel, one must “seek to find”. Even if you’re not in the mood for “testing the plumbing”, you can still lounge on a couch… in this restroom. This is definitely not your typical “loo”.

2)Hillman Men’s Bathroom

Hillman

The men’s bathroom in Hillman hall is must-go for any Simpson male student. Visiting this bathroom before graduation is a rite of passage. Built back in 1920’s, this bathroom gives off a bomb-shelter vibe. The urinals are bigger than today’s toilets making it nearly impossible to miss when you “shake the snake” With only one male staff member working in the building and its secluded location between the hall and parking lot, you’re going to have to search for this unknown treasure.

3) Barker Basement Unisex Bathroom

Barker Bathroom

Coming in third is a bathroom that could have arguably took first place. The Barker basement bathroom takes first place in privacy. Why? Because you can lock the door! With two stalls and a shower that you could easily lay down in, this bathroom is the ideal spot to get ready in the morning. However, make sure you’re not “booty belching” too loudly as there is more outdoor traffic than the restrooms in first and second.

4) College Hall Men/ Women’s Bathroom(s)

College HallAs the admissions staff in College Hall know, college recruitment is essential to the survival of every school. What better way to recruit than having a classy restroom to “drop the kids off at the pool”?

5) Second Floor Kent Men/ Women’s Bathroom(s)

Kent 2nd Floor Bathroom

It’s no porcelain throne, but the bathrooms on second floor Kent are nice. At only two years old, Kent has some of the newest bathrooms on campus. While the bathrooms on first and second floor are the same, the upstairs restrooms have less traffic.

6) First Floor Blank Performing Arts Women’s Bathroom(s)

BPAC Bathroom

In 2011, Blank Performing Arts Center was renovated. Among this was the renovations of the bathrooms in the buildings. There are three bathrooms on the first floor. Three! With this many options, girls can simply move on to the next restroom if it doesn’t fit their needs.

7) Carver Science Men’s Basement Bathroom

Carver Science Bathroom

According to one Simpson student, “A buddy and I used to just go down there and have poop-offs. Nobody would ever go there so we would just letter’rip!”

Now you know where you can go. Don’t let friends like Carrie Mae embarrass themselves by not knowing where to “drop off some timber”. Share this with your friends!

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Categories: Features

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