Congressional emergency: Mired in bulls**t

2015-04-18_09-23-21The lack of a federal budget has left Republicans to blame for not being able to acquire shovels to remove the excess amount of bulls–t currently piling up in Congress. Democrats say this surplus amount of bulls–t created from both parties is making it difficult for the two parties to get nothing done.

In past sessions of Congress, Congressional fellows have been able to keep the bulls–t levels low by shoveling it on the general public.

“How are the people supposed to keep warm at night without our constant bulls–t to give them heat?” bemoaned Representative Boehner, R-Ohio, to his Democratic colleagues. He continued, “This is the worst catastrophe in American history since bribery of public officials was made illegal!”

Following Boehner’s comments, reporters on the scene noted that Democrats then ran around in circles chanting “Bipartisanship” over and over again until the vast majority of them passed out due to the overwhelming smell of bulls–t in the room.

Without a proper federal budget, Congress is unable to purchase the shovels necessary for the removal of the copious amounts of bulls–t now flooding the halls of the Capitol. However, in looking for budgetary solutions to the problem, debate between the two parties has quickly devolved into finger-pointing and bulls–t slinging.

Political analysts with The Acorn are describing the situation as a true “Mongolian clusterf–k.” These same analysts recommend that this year’s batch of newly elected Congressmen and women invest in hip waders and rubber boots before contributing to the bulls–t levels in Congress.

By: Tyler Stokesbary

Tags: , , , ,

Categories: News

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