Archive | November, 2014

Students do not remember drinking water at ‘Memory of Water’

Last weekend, Theatre Simpson put on several performances of the play “The Memory of Water” by Shelagh Stephenson. The play is about memory, with little mention of water, and now some controversy involving memory at the performances has come to the theatre department’s attention. Beverages and snacks were available during intermission at each show. To […]

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Millie the ghost laid off as cost-saving measure

The sudden layoffs this semester have been met with shock from both students and staff, but the worst has been yet to come. The Acorn has gotten exclusive information that our favorite resident ghost, Millie, has been laid off. She is set to leave at the end of the semester. Millie, born Mildred Hedges, was […]

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Simpson College to replace Buxton Stadium with multi-million dollar Thunderdome.

While Simpson is in its current renovations phase, Buxton stadium is on the list for improvement. While there is nothing wrong with Buxton Stadium, it is not new, so it needs to be replaced with something shiny and new. This shiny new stadium will be deemed the Pepsi Max Thunderdome. The stadium will seat 300,000 […]

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Obituary: Gossip Squirrel dead due to hit and run

Gossip Squirrel, age four, of Indianola, Iowa, passed away October 15th from injuries suffered in a hit and run on W. Clinton Ave. near the Clinton Apartment block. The driver of the vehicle has yet to be apprehended by campus security. Gossip Squirrel was born in a tree near Simpson College to Albert and Martha […]

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Ghost of Bill Buxton returns to fund the creation of a new mascot

Early last week the ghost of Bill Buxton returned to Simpson College to visit President Simmons to discuss yet another substantial donation to the college. “Mr. Buxton would like to fund the development of a new mascot for the college,” Simmons reported in his pseudo-southern drawl, “He said he came across even more money in […]

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