Professor Siebert admits to being Bald Soprano

SIMPSON — Early Tuesday morning, Mark Siebert confessed to our reporters what most of the campus had already suspected since the beginning of the semester: He is, in fact, the ...

Pfeiffer cafeteria to implement zero calorie policy for all food served

SIMPSON — In a bold attempt to get more students to eat at Pfeiffer cafeteria, Sodexo dining services has decided to remove the calories from all of the food served ...

Severe Thunderstorm Warning Issued for Simpson College – Tornadoes Possible

SEVERE THUNDERSTORM ALERT: The National Weather Service in Des Moines has issued a Severe Thunderstorm Alert for Warren County and Indianola effective until 4:30pm CDT tonight. Meteorologists expect wind gusts up ...

Latest News

Sustainability Club Aims to Save Environment By Recycling Simpsonians

SIMPSON – A new initiative created by the Sustainability Club aims to ...

Top 10 Reasons Why YOU Should Vote Today

1. You’re technically a “real” adult, so your opinion matters 2. The ...

Professors Surprised to Discover Students Not at Standing Rock Indian Reservation

SIMPSON/N. DAKOTA – Students have been “checking in” on Facebook to the Standing ...

Students Making Their Own “Adult” Candy for Safeblock

  SIMPSON – In preparation for Safeblock this evening, several students have ...

Academic Success of Student Athletes Expected to Drop for No Apparent Reason

SIMPSON – In an unexpected turn of events, Simpson athletes, as of ...

Acorn Alliterations

Script & Video Editing By: Nick Hermon Actors: Kayley Zimmerman & Robert ...

Featured Stories

Supreme Leader Snoke offers out-of-this-world relationship advice

SIMPSON — Our reporters recently received a copy of The Intergalactic Times, which is the leading newspaper of a certain galaxy far, far away. While most of the paper focuses on the doings of the First Order (and also has quite a few wanted ads for stormtrooper FN-2187 and a BB8 droid), it also features an […]

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Campus squirrels to start their own basketball league

SIMPSON — After a group of squirrels were found playing a game of basketball in Hopper Gymnasium yesterday afternoon, the athletics department called for the creation of an all-squirrel basketball league. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing at first,” said head softball coach, Brent Matthias, who first stumbled upon the extraordinary scene taking place […]

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Class of 2021 begin long, four-year march toward student debt

SIMPSON — Earlier this afternoon, the class of 2021 were seen passing through the gates outside College Hall, thus beginning their four-year journey to racking up enormous student debt. Simpson faculty, dressed in their formal robes, stood on either side of the sidewalk behind the brick gates and applauded the freshmen as they walked by. […]

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Most Simpson students, parents look at tuition statement behind trembling fingers

SIMPSON — According to a recent report, a majority of Simpson students first looked at their tuition statement for fall 2017 with their fingers covering their faces.* “The story was pretty much the same with everyone we interviewed,” said lead researcher and author, Hugh J. Billings. “About 83% of students and their parents were physically […]

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President Trump Really Enjoying Watergate Reacting-to-the-Past Role Playing Game

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The recent firing of FBI Director James Comey has raised fears in the nation’s capital that President Trump is taking his Simpson College Reacting-to-the-Past Game a little bit too seriously. The May Term course, entitled “Watergate: The Fall of Nixon,” is taught by experienced cosplayer and longtime history professor Nick Proctor.* The […]

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